Breaking Bad is the heartwarming tale of a lovable high school chemistry teacher named Walter White who, upon learning he has cancer and very poor health insurance (the American dream!), decides the best way to provide for his family is to cook methamphetamine. That’s right: meth. Because bake sales apparently didn’t cut it.
Walter teams up with his former student Jesse Pinkman, a young man whose idea of long-term planning is buying snack foods in bulk. Together, they form the most dysfunctional business partnership since Sears merged with “Slowly Imploding Into Bankruptcy.” Walt brings the chemistry skills, while Jesse brings... let’s say enthusiasm and a lot of colorful language. Seriously, the man says “yo” so much it’s like he’s trying to summon a ghost.
At first, Walt insists he’s doing this “for his family.” This becomes increasingly hard to believe as he turns into Scarface in khakis, blowing up people, threatening everyone, and generally behaving like a very angry suburban dad who just found out his HOA won’t let him build a meth lab in the garage.
Their product is so pure it becomes the Coca-Cola Classic of drugs. Every criminal wants it. And soon, Walt is in business with terrifying drug lords, including Gus Fring, a polite fast-food entrepreneur who could probably kill you with a friendly handshake, a spork, and a side of curly fries.
Meanwhile, Walt’s wife Skyler is like: “Wait, you’re doing WHAT?” And his brother-in-law Hank, a DEA agent, spends five seasons slowly realizing the biggest drug kingpin in the Southwest is literally the guy grilling hot dogs in his backyard.
Over five seasons, things spiral out of control in ways that would make a Greek tragedy look like a Hallmark movie. There are betrayals, explosions, plane crashes, poisonings, and more dramatic monologues than a Shakespeare festival on espresso.
In the end, Walter White becomes Heisenberg: a criminal mastermind, a chemistry wizard, and the worst possible candidate for Father of the Year. And somehow, through it all, Jesse manages to survive, driving off into the desert in a car, screaming in either triumph or PTSD.
Moral of the story: if your chemistry teacher offers you a “business opportunity,” run.
This is without a doubt my favorite TV show (along with Better Call Saul) which is saying something, since everyone knows I HATE modern TV shows. I like it so much we traveled all the way to Albuquerque to visit many of the filming sites. Which is saying something, since I like flying 200% less than modern TV shows. See separate post where I present some pics of the trip.
And please, if you get some bad news at the doctor's office, do not break bad. It isn't worth it.
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