Sunday, October 24, 2010

Youth in bad purchase tragedy

Youth Goes Nuts After Bad Purchase

A local youth is barely clinging to life tonight, one day after buying a discount DVD package which turned out to be one he already owned. David Ponds, 17, of Piles Grove Illinois was admitted to Elm West Memorial Hospital early Tuesday with self inflicted burns over 95 percent of his body. His friends who witnessed his volcanic temper tantrum say it started when Ponds came back from a local Best Buy.

"He came in and said hey dudes. I got some flicks for us to watch tonight" said Adam Berril, a friend "We like to hang out and watch cheesy movies. We act like Mystery Science Theater 3000, making jokes and stuff."

What happened next surprised everyone. Upon opening the package and examining the contents, Ponds began to shake and foam at the mouth.

"He was getting pissed." said Art Faber, another friend.

He said "Holy [profanity deleted] I own this!! I already [expletive deleted] have this damned collection!" then flew into a blind rage, according to witnesses.

What he did next shocked everyone.

"He went into the shed and got a gas can, doused himself and lit himself on fire with one of those candle lighter thingies."

Ponds sustained 3rd degree burns over 95% of his body. So bad are his wounds that he will likely be in a semi-vegetative state for the remainder of his so-called life.

Added Wilt Hovind, "He had the receipt, we could have just returned it."


David Ponds, in happier times


The movie collection that set him off

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've had the same thing happen to me. I feel his pain. Remember, a lot of places won't let you return DVD's. However, I did not set myself on fire.