The Gorilla In The Tree (joke)

 

Mr. Parker got a phone call from his wife, who was in a state of panic.

"George!" she sobbed. "There's a gorilla in the apple tree in the front garden!"

"A gorilla?" Mr. Parker echoed. "Nonsense, woman. Have you been at the gin again?"

"No, George," she replied. "It's a real gorilla - it must have escaped from the zoo or a circus or something. It's sitting in the apple tree growling at everyone who walks past. It's just thrown an apple at Mrs. Bell from No. 23!"

"Did it hit her?" Mr. Parker asked, then said, "No, never mind that. I'll come home straight away."

He drove home and, sure enough, as he pulled into the driveway, he saw a huge, fierce gorilla in the apple tree. It spotted him and growled, then threw an apple at him - he just ducked in time.

He went into the house, where his wife was nervously looking out the window from behind the net curtain. "George, what are we going to do?" she asked.

Mr. Parker picked up the Yellow Pages. "It's simple, Miriam - there are bound to be professional people who can deal with this sort of thing."

He looked up 'Gorilla Catchers' but there was only one firm listed. He dialed the number and after a few rings the phone was answered. "Bloggs and Wilson, Gorilla Catchers. Bloggs speaking!"

"Good afternoon - my name is Parker. There is a gorilla in the apple tree in my garden, and I need you to come and catch it!"

"I'm very sorry, sir," replied Bloggs. "I'm afraid Wilson is off sick at the moment, so we're unable to take on any jobs."

"But this is urgent!" said Mr. Parker. "It's in the tree, causing a ruckus - I'm sure the property values are reducing even as we speak! There must be something you can do!"

"Well..." said Bloggs. "Catching a gorilla is a two-man job, but if you're willing to fill Wilson's role then we should be able to pull it off."

"I'll do whatever it takes, " promised Mr. Parker, and gave Bloggs his address.

Twenty minutes later a battered old van bearing the sign "BLOGGS AND WILSON - GORILLA CATCHERS" pulled up outside. The driver got out and went round to the back of the van, opened the doors, and brought out a large rifle, a set of manacles, and a vicious-looking Rottweiler dog which barked and snarled. The man came up to the front door and rang the bell.

"Good afternoon, sir. I'm Bloggs," said the man when Mr. Parker answered. "I can see the gorilla in your tree - he's a big 'un, isn't he? We'd best get started right away."

"That's fine," said Mr. Parker. "What do I have to do?"

"Well," replied Bloggs. "You stand there with the manacles while I climb the tree. I will wrestle with the gorilla and push him out of the tree. The instant he hits the ground; the dog is trained to leap forward and bite the gorilla's testicles. This will distract him long enough for you to put the manacles on him. Then I can load him into the back of the van and take him away."

"Ok," said Mr. Parker. "But what is the rifle for?"

"That is actually the most important part of the whole operation," replied Bloggs. "If by any chance the gorilla should happen to push me out of the tree, shoot the dog!"