Eegah (1962) sucks in the best way!

EEGAH (1962)

Tagline: “Watch out for snakes! And really awkward pool parties.”

Synopsis:

Somewhere in the California desert (which suspiciously looks like someone’s backyard with a lot of sand dumped on it), a giant caveman named Eegah has been quietly living his best Neanderthal life for thousands of years—probably surviving on lizards, cactus juice, and beard oil made from the tears of forgotten actors.

Then one day, a teen girl named Roxy nearly plows into this 7-foot Cro-Magnon while driving her convertible (as you do). But instead of calling the police, or running, or making any logical decision, she tells her crooner boyfriend Tom and her mustachioed father, who’s a mix between “Indiana Jones” and “low-budget real estate agent.”

Roxy’s dad, in an act of pure cinematic brilliance, decides to go looking for Eegah—with a camera and a hat. He vanishes almost immediately, because of course he does. So Roxy and Tom hop in a helicopter (yes, a helicopter, rented for $10 and half a sandwich) to find him.

What follows is a surreal fever dream involving:

• A giant caveman who can somehow say “EEGAH!” but nothing else.

• A romantic subplot that’s 85% Tom singing soft ballads while Roxy stares into space like she forgot her lines.

• A cave dinner party where Eegah tries to woo Roxy with grunts and goat leg (yes, it gets weird).

• And a climactic poolside battle at a country club where Eegah, armed with 1960s man-strength and a great big club, gets absolutely bodied by cops with pistols.

And somehow, in all this madness, Arch Hall Jr. manages to look like a wax figure of Elvis left in the sun too long.

Final Verdict:

Eegah is the kind of movie that makes you question not only cinema, but reality itself. It’s part caveman horror, part teen musical, and all 100% “What were they thinking?” It’s so bad it circles back around to genius.

Warning: May contain uncomfortably long scenes of facial hair grooming, and romantic tension between a girl and a caveman who may or may not be her great-great-great-grand-uncle. Also there are some cheesy looking corpses.