Christmas memory #2,768

Larval-state Mikey “the Vance” Walk encountering “you know who” ca. 1970-71

When I was a kid I used to loathe Santa. Not the mystical Santa in books and poems who delivered toys. But the flesh and blood (and breath) ones at the mall. Any Santa would send me screaming for the mall exit. 

There is something mortifying about being sat in close proximity to a large old mysterious stranger who is dressed like a hairy clown and smells like a mixture of Brylcreem and Hai Karate. It was "stranger danger" and easily triggered my fight or flight mechanism. 

See, early on I made it clear that I HATED/DETESTED clowns. Santa is a glorified clown people. Let's be real. Only this "clown" supposedly had magical powers. He was absolutely terrifying. 

 My Mom labored under the impression that I LOVED Santa. So she would routinely try to force me to sit on his lap (shudder). [Incidentally, to this day, Santa is the only man's lap I have ever knowingly sat on.] 

 Here is me and mom at the mall. 

 Mom: Let's go see Santa. 

 Mikey: No Mom. I don't want to. No. No! Please! I don't wanna go! Please, no. 

 Mom: Well, how is he going to know what you want if you don't tell him? 

 [Mike thinking to himself] Since I am so scared of him... I aint getting nuttin for Christmas. 

 Mom: Come on. Let's go see him. It will be fun. 

 Mikey: No Mom, pleeaase? I will write him a letter. <-------- span="" style="font-style: italic;">It was the most brilliant intellectual counter punch a kid could come up with! 

 Mom: Okay. (spoken with a tone that said... well if that's the chance you want to take...) [Mom thinking to herself] Great, I've created a little wimp. 

 This scenario played out in my life at one point or another approximately every year for the nine year period between 1970 and 1979. By the time I was older Mom still tried the Santa gag, but by then I was hip to the routine. 

I remember eventually pondering the fact that there was a Santa at every mall, and they all look a little different. They can't ALL be him. That’s when I started to piece it together... SCAM. You know those cutesy kids with Santa pictures? I have included one of me. Just one.

Supernatural Craziness: EVP's

Have you ever hear of EVP's? Let's learn about that...

(swiped from Wikipedia)

Electronic voice phenomena (EVP) are electronically generated noises that resemble speech, but are not the result of intentional voice recordings or renderings. Common sources of EVP include static, stray radio transmissions, and background noise. Some have claimed these sounds are of paranormal origin,[1] while there are natural explanations such as apophenia (finding significance in insignificant phenomena), auditory pareidolia (interpreting random sounds as voices in their own language), equipment artefacts, or simple hoaxes. Recordings of EVP are often created from background sound by increasing the gain (i.e. sensitivity) of the recording equipment.